Toddlers and NO

March 20, 2009 by  
Filed under General

stress

Yep it’s just been one of those days!  I have twins yep, I know you knew that, but I hear everything resonating in my ear times two.  There are some days where I feel like I am the kid in the house.  I find myself discussing things with my two year olds, and feel just like stomping around the house and telling everyone NO!

We are at that ever so wonderful stage of toddlerhood where my two boys are asserting their independence.  Every other word is accompanied by the word no in this house and “no mommy me do it allllll by myself” and I think I am about to lose my mind.  I know that this is just a test and a battle of wills, and sometimes I feel like I am failing miserably.  Everyone, assures me that it is just a phase, and the promise of it will get better bellowing from the mouths of people can sometimes sound like nails on a chalkboard.

There are days I tell you, I feel like a complete idiot trying to carry on a conversation with not one but two, two year olds.  Today I sounded like an auctioneer, repeating myself…no no no, come here, come here, would you stop please.  I am sure I look a bit comical, chasing my naked son who decided to take off his diaper and RUN!  Here I am running circles around the couch and praying like heck he doesn’t pee all over the carpet.  Needless to say I am exhausted.

baby_crying_small

So how do I get them to cooperate?

I have found that instead of saying “No” all the time, I offer them a choice.  Something about being negative all the time seems to make them retaliate.  Granted there are some things that are just plain no.  Giving them a choice sort of empowers them a little and makes them feel like they are part of the decision.  “No you may not have candy but you can have this instead”, almost never works because they are already set on the candy.  So instead I offer them two things they CAN have, and say “Do you want a banana or some grapes” and it seems to work about 99% of the time.

They are starting to understand more, so at meal times things have gotten easier.  I tell them if they want their dessert or treat that they must eat what they are going to eat.  This seems to motivate them just to eat well.  I do not force them to clean their plate but expect them to eat reasonably so they aren’t filling their stomachs with treats.

Time Outs:  We are still tweaking with these to see if they actually work.  For one of the boys just time out anywhere in the house works.  For my other one he has to be separated from everyone, and this is very upsetting for him but it seems to actually work. Me on the other hand, am emotional about a lot of it and sort of feel like I am not doing the right thing, so it is tough.  As a parent you want your children to grow up being respectful individuals.  I am always worrying if I am being a good mom, I think we are our worst critics.  And why is it that everyone tells me how good they are, yet I am still pulling out my hair?

I am sure it is all just a phase and this aspect will get better, but there is another phase around the bend I am sure.  I hope my mommy armor is tough enough to withstand!

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Comments

3 Responses to “Toddlers and NO”
  1. Staci A says:

    Everyone tells me how good my son is, but yet I feel insane by the end of the day too.

    Giving choices is a great way to avoid hearing no. It worked for us, right up until my sweet little child said flat out “I need more options.” Just what I wanted to hear from a 3 year old.

  2. tara says:

    I’m LOL at Staci’s comment “I need more choices” :) That’s cute! It sounds like you’re doing great with your 2 year olds Laurie! I know that giving our son more choices has helped a lot.

  3. Suzanne says:

    Yes, your kids are well behaved, because you are knocking yourself out that they are. (those who aren’t stressed aren’t doing their jobs as parents!)

    Just keep doing what you’re doing, don’t give in and eventually they’ll tire of hearing the same thing. Doesn’t help you right NOW, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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