Cancer A Word No One Likes

I usually tend to not get particularly serious on my blog because I have family that comes and reads and it is always hard to show others your vulnerabilities.  But I am slowly beginning to realize that this is my platform, and the things I say here may help others who go through some of the same things.

I haven’t been posting much because I have been busy getting my motivation back and my thoughts in order.  Life, seems to have some major ups and downs and it is up to the human spirit to weather the storm.

The word “cancer” exudes a reaction in most people.  Whether it is just reading the word, or you are faced with the possibility of having cancer, or someone close to you has had or does have cancer, it is never something that makes you feel great.  I don’t know anyone that has ever been happy about it.

A few months ago, a really good friend of mine, my coach and  mentor, in the middle of one of our coaching sessions said “oh by the way,” I have this rare form of cancer and I think it’s a good idea if you come see me.  In a previous conversation we were arguing about me coming to see him and his family in New Zealand (his home).  I had always wanted to go back (it is where my husband and I spent our honeymoon), but out of money etc and yes you do talk finances with your coach, he suggested Canada.  I had not known about his cancer when he suggested a visit to Canada instead of NZ, but he did.

It was barely a week since I had gotten that news when I was just out of the shower.  I reached over to itch my armpit when I felt it.  There was a lump, and not just a small one. So I made my typical appointment with my OB and mentioned it to her.  I was sent off to an ultrasound and it turns out it is lymph node.  This can be good or bad, so they told me to come back in eight weeks for a rescan.

You start to play your life in your head, about what will you do if, and what I should have done, and what I need to do.  The world seems to narrow around you when you are faced with the word cancer.  It simply affects everyone around you. I have spent some nights crying for my coach and his family (well, a lot of nights).  It is a grieving/emotional process for everyone involved.  It feels horrible to not be in control of something that puts you at the mercy of the doctors, and all the what ifs.    You want to do things for someone, but the truth of the matter is… there isn’t anything you can do, other than provide that person with the support that they will allow you to give.  It is a dance where you have to be careful where you step, while your heart, and your brain wants to impulsively lead.

I had become a wreck in terms of stress and emotional turmoil and it was as if my life had begun to mirror his.  It was like life was pointing out to me, to learn deeper levels of compassion that I had not yet experienced.  With each passing day, I am learning how to dismiss the little things that make me mad or upset, to see that the things I thought mattered, like a messy house, or minor irritations from the husband and kids, are just a tiny speck in this world.

Of the many things, I have learned from my coach and incredibly dear friend…it is that you get back in this life what you give and if you keep doing what your are doing, than you will also keep getting what you got.

Love your family and don’t sweat the small stuff!

Happy Thanksgiving

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Although we didn’t get to spend Thanksgiving with our bigger families, we still gathered around the table and had a wonderful meal.  I began the dinner by telling the boys that I was thankful for having them and their daddy, for the roof over our heads, the food on our table, for our dog and cat.

I asked them what they were thankful for and I got the cutest responses, and although I wasn’t sure that they totally knew what it meant to be thankful, I wanted to start this tradition.  One of them was thankful for his fork and for the television  lol.  The other was thankful for marshmallows, his turkey, and his fire truck.

I hope that you and your families had a safe, happy and healthy Thanksgiving.   There is always something to be thankful for, no matter how big or small.

The Things I Think About In The Dark

Every night after the boys bath and book, we tuck them in.  I Have one on one side of me and one on the other.  My husband says good night and I stay with them until they fall asleep.  It is a routine that we have acquired and it is one of my favorite times in my day.

The light goes out and they both ask me to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and they will sing along.  My one little guy will ask me questions, like, Mommy are you happy? and, where do peaches come from?  I can hear them begin to get sleepy, the sound of their breathing, how they shift in the bed, and how their body becomes relaxed.  It is funny all the things you can sense about your children just laying there in the dark.

I think about so much when I am laying there next to my babies.  I will do a majority of my worrying at this time in the day, I will think about the things I have to accomplish and I reflect.  I know a lot of people like to put there kids to bed in their room and close the door, but I just never really wanted to.  I figure that they will grow up and someday and will be embarrased to have me around all the time.  I have just come to realize that time is just passing so quickly

Next weekend my family is coming to visit, and I can hardly wait to have the company.  The boys talk to Grandma and Grandpa and ask when they are coming on their driveway.  I know that they are going to love having them here and it is a much needed break for us here because all of our family is far away.  Tonight I was thinking about the time I miss being home, and how I can change it for us.  It is so difficult to pack up everything here with a dog and a cat, and two kids and not to mention the money it takes to take a trip as a family.

The things I think about in the dark….

My Husband Says It’s Evolution

Do you ever get this response from your dear husband?  I swear that this is the reason given for everything that goes on in our house and sometimes I just have to flat out tell him that he is full of crap.

In this house everything is somehow related to evolution.  House cleaning isn’t something he knows how to do because according to evolution men are hunters and gatherers.  This is why he doesn’t know how to clean the toilet. *rolls eyes*

The funniest one yet and the one I laugh at daily is why men cannot find things that are right in front of their face.  I am convinced that my husband doesn’t want to take the time or effort to actually look behind things or for things when he can pester me and I just get up and go find it.   My husband is always asking me where his things are, and I tell him it’s wherever he left it.  He states if he cannot see food in the refrigerator that he doesn’t know its there.  Hello!  Look for it.

Here is the theory…are you ready?  According to evolution there is a reason why men cant see things.  Unless the item is moving a man will pass over it, since by nature they are hunters.  So unless his wallet is doing a little jig he cant find it!  Unless the can of green beans isn’t shifting repeatedly in the pantry, nope he can’t find it.  Same thing for the hamper and his clothes.  I guess the next time you visit me all our stuff will be swinging from the chandeliers.  The note on the door will read:

WATCH OUT FOR FLYING OBJECTS DUE TO EVOLUTION IN PROGRESS

I wonder what’s next in the chain of evolution.

When They Were Little

I was just looking through some of the pictures of the boys when they were little.  They are still just babies to me, but  these were pictures of them when they were little little.  Do you ever miss this?  I miss all those wonderful baby noises, and all the firsts, and the urge to have another comes on full force.

I think that I would feel complete if we have one more child, and for some reason I feel like something is missing in our family.  It is a hard thing to describe, but it is as if, you know that there is meant to be one more child in your life.  At first, I thought I would only want a girl, but now, I could have a boy or a girl and it doesn’t make a difference to me!  My husband, just tells me, to think of it this way, when I am feeling this way..to think of all the new things that are coming up with the boys.  Men just don’t understand the desire to have children.

I can’t believe how fast the time goes.  I find myself holding on to all those little things.  Just one more, I hope!

How Does My Garden Grow?

When we moved to our house, I was so excited to have our own yard, and our own house so we could plant the things we wanted and paint the walls etc.  I have always wanted to try my hand at a vegetable garden, and we have been in this house for almost six years now.  I originally planted a garden, and put some outrageously tall fence around it to keep the deer out.  After about one season if that and not growing much of anything, I took the fence down.  It was too difficult to get in and out to work in there.

So after that failed, I just planted in the 8×10ft plot and discovered that all the water from the other yards drained into my garden and half of it was a swimming pool!  So I put up with everything not growing or dying for another two years.  Then the boys were born and I decided to just give up on what I affectionately called the dirt box.

So this year, I got a wild hair to try and give this garden thing a go again.  The boys are older so they play in the yard, and I was bored.  So, I decided to cut the size of the garden in half, fill the existing half to the brim with the soil from the other side, and plant grass where the rest of the box used to be.  When we first moved in I read all about raised bed gardening and went in armed with a perfect vegetable garden depicted in my head.  Well that garden, is now a distant memory.

So this year, I have planted lettuce, spinach, a few strawberry plants, two tomato plants, and two pepper plants.  I will attempt maybe a few corn stalks, green beans, and carrots, and cucumbers.  My last try at carrots resulted in carrots that were 1 inch long and looked like BB’s.  The only thing I hate about the garden is the weird bugs and creatures it attracts, and I hate bugs!  I am now armed with spray for those bugs, some scent barrier for the deer and rabbits, and fertilizer spikes for the soil.  I have planted the strawberries, the peppers, the tomatoes, the lettuce and the spinach.

The last time I planted lettuce and spinach nothing came up out of the ground and I was rather disappointed.  It was a little disheartening to see nothing.  This year, I am already doing the happy dance,a nd I have pictures to prove my gardening prowess, lets only hope that they continue to grow!  My peppers and tomatoes, shriveled up a little but appear to be bouncing back do to a night of cold weather, but I think im on the road to success.  That and I vowed to water this thing as much as possible.  Yes I know a garden needs water, but as a busy mom I have to remember to go out and do it  lol!

I am determined!

Random Thoughts From The Bathtub

Tonight, I spent a good deal of time doing research on what fish oil is the best to buy.  I am about to embark on a healthy eating dtreak and since I hate fish of any kind, I am looking to supplement.

Here my thoughts for tonight”

I am going to have to give up brownies, this sucks.  Well I don’t have to give them up completely.

I need to organize my office!

I need to go to Whole Foods tomorrow.

Maybe I should sleep in. Sleep in?  What’s that?

I really want to get my garden ready, blach I am too tired

I still need to stop biting my nails!

There are thin mints in the pantry, how the hell am I going to diet with those in there?

I wish I had a maid, well and a cook, and a gardner.

Oh I have to finish a review, well I need to finish three this weekend.

Wonder what Blogher will be like.

I really need to turn my brain off when I’m trying to relax in the tub!

Busy Day

It was a beautiful day out today so the boys and dh got out to play.   I spent a lot of my day catching up on the dreaded laundry that only seems to multiply.  The minute you think you are done, there seems to be another load sitting there mocking me.

I took the time today to make about 60 homemade meatballs for the freezer, made a fresh batch of brownies, and made a roast, with carrots, mashed potatoes, rolls for dinner.   After all of that I must say I am worn out so, I will be heading to bed early tonight, if you consider 10 pm early.

My new goal now is to start really watching our money for grocery spending.   It is difficult sometimes to determine our budget with food and it seems like I live at the grocery store.  Today I did well, and spent $50 and managed to get a cart full.  I have been cutting coupons  and I really watch the local ads and there is some serious money to be saved if you just do a little research.  I will have to keep you updated on my endeavor.  It is hard with figuring out meals, especially when you are in a rut but I plan on sticking with our budget.

Wordless Wednesday

Looks like one is floating away!

Ringling Brothers Family Night At The Circus

We love the circus and the boys first real show was actually to go see the Ringling Brothers Circus.   They were in awe of all the stuff going on and they loved it.  They were just 18 months, when we took them and it held their interest the entire time. I can remember the trips to the circus when I was a child and have fond memories of cotton candy and watching all the amazing acrobatics.

The newest production from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey  ZING ZANG ZOOM is sure to have children of all ages engrossed and delighted, and is a perfect night out for the family.  With the economy posing a challenge for many families, the value of a night out at Ringling Bros. is worth many years of fond memories and worth its weight in gold.  The experience includes the All Access Pre-show, a fun opportunity to meet circus performers and dress up in clown costumes, which happens one hour before each performance.

Thanks to Mom Central And Ringling Brothers you can have the chance to take your family to the circus without breaking the bank.

·    Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the code “MOM” at select ticketing channels**. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating and cannot be combined with other offers.  Other Restrictions May Apply.
·    Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public – just enter the code “MOM” when purchasing those seats. Dates and cities where families can use the national MOM discount code this spring are as follows:

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
March 5 – April 13
Offer not valid on performances from April 10 – 13 at Madison Square Garden

Washington D.C./ Fairfax, VA/ Baltimore, MD
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
March 18-April 19

Philadelphia
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
May 13-May 25

Phoenix
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
June 24-June 28

Houston
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 15-July 26

Anaheim/LA/Ontario
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
July 8-August 2

San Francisco
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 12-August 23

Dallas/Ft Worth
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 29-August 16

Sacramento
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 27-August 30

Kansas City
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
September 16-September 20

To find out more about ZING ZANG ZOOM or to see which Ringling Bros. tour is coming to a town near you, visit www.Ringling.com. And visit www.ticketmaster.com to use the 4 tickets for $44 code, MOM.  This is such a wonderful offer and is hard to pass up.  I can hardly wait to take the boys to the circus again and create magical memories and a lifelong tradition that they can someday pass on to their own children. Have fun at the circus!

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